You may remember my ambitious plan: waking up at 6 am every morning and training the children to stay in bed until 6:45. I was hoping to get that all important quiet time with the Lord in those dark, silent morning moments. Well, that part of the plan has not been executed.
Not even once.
Late evenings, sleep deprived nights, early rising children, and sickness battles seem to be a constant in my life as a young mother. I know this by now. Or I should know this, but I continually get frustrated with myself when I don’t get up in the morning to spend time with the Lord.
I must be lazy. I must not really love God enough. I’m too attached to comfort.
Maybe I’m all of the above.
Or maybe, just maybe, I’m an exhausted mother of 4 children who needs every ounce of sleep she can get.
For the past 3 years, I’ve been hung up on morning time at the feet of Jesus, after all, almost every writer on the spiritual life touts the importance of starting our day with God. Yet, for those same 3 years, my quiet prayer and scripture reading were never consistent.
I’ll get up early… tomorrow.
On days when I do rise before my household, I often fall asleep in the middle of my readings or prayers.
Well, I guess when the baby starts sleeping better…
I’ve come to know I need every bit of sleep I can steal.
But I’ve also come to know, even more than I need sleep, I need Jesus. I need to sit at His feet. A day should never pass where I am not fed by Him. Every day I need to open my heart to the Lord and allow Him to cut away the ugly and put in the good.
Just as much as I’m responsible for the fate of my children’s souls, I am even more accountable for my own eternal destination. The day is fast approaching, friends.
The Lord has made this more and more apparent.
We busy, exhausted mothers are too often told to “give ourselves some grace” and to “work with our seasons.” I’ve been guilty of twisting these words of wisdom to excuse my lazy attitude concerning prayer.
Giving myself grace meant going days without cracking my Bible or getting on my knees. Prayers were murmured as I offered the work of my hands to the Lord, but I was lacking the deep, silent prayer where God performs soul transformation.
That, my friends, is not grace.
And working with my season of life? I’ll always find days when I’m too tired or too busy to pray!
I was cheating myself out of a relationship with my Creator, Lord, Redeemer, and Savior.
So, this time around, I’m giving myself some grace, but not too much.
I’m owning my season and finding ways to make prayer work.
I may not be able to get up every morning at 6 am., but I am able to read the Bible and go into my room and pray for 15 minutes every day.
And that’s what I’m doing.
Every time I pray, I’m begging God to give me the grace, strength, and perseverance I need to know Him daily in His Word and in prayer. Not just most days. Every day. Period.
Some evenings it has meant turning to Husband on our way upstairs and telling him I’ll come up in 20 minutes. Sometimes it has been closing the door to my room when I get out of the shower to talk to God in semi-silence while the children play downstairs under Husband’s watchful eye. Sometimes it has meant, staying up another 15 minutes when it is already long past my bedtime.
It has meant reading less books and picking up the Book of Life instead. It’s reading aloud from the Word to my children as they play at my feet.
I’m done making excuses. I’m hungry for God, and I will not let go until I take hold of Him.
I don’t want to be perfect, but I do want to be faithful.
One of the ways I sneak in some extra Bible reading with my littles is with my booklight. I got mine 7 plus years ago and I have used it countless times nursing tiny babies in the middle of the night or snuggling with a sick child – all those times as a parent you don’t want to turn on the room light.
Not 5 minutes after I wrapped up this post, we began a long 12 day journey with our child: two ER visits, stitches, two hospital transfers via ambulance and jet, 9 days in PICU, and 3 days in regular hospital care. God has really put my faithfulness to the test. It has been a real struggle to get 15 minutes of quiet time daily. It was easier in the hospital than at home where I’m not only caring for my sick child, but our other children, home, homeschool, and marriage. I’m not perfect. Not be a long shot! I’ve fallen off the wagon a time or two, but I’m so hungry for God, I’m always striving to get back on!
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